first, if you are just tuning in (seriously..where have you been?! the cool train left a couple weeks ago!), i have OCD. despite what my mother says, it does NOT control my life. i like to think of it as a disease state that helps me make wise and appropriate decisions. prime example - touching escalator handrails that may contain (and more than likely DO) traces of e.coli. i do not have to have OCD to know that i should NOT do this!! again, that is (straight up) an intelligent choice. okay..so..maaaybe ("sometimes") it can challenge my daily living. for instance, i cannot step on manhole covers, grates, or other objects that may plummet to the center of the earth, without so much as a warning. again, WISE decision-making! if i am going to go out like that, i want it to be because i jumped out of a plane, and my improperly packed parachute did not deploy - NOT because some jerk off (who no doubt hates his job and life), got lazy and decided to haphazardly throw the grate on the ground, without making sure it is properly installed/secure. do you know how pissed i would be, while falling into rat infested sewage (containing copious amounts of e.coli), that i am seconds away from death because i chose to risk it all and step ON the grate, rather than my usual sidestepping?! (i can see the headline now - "INNOCENT PEDESTRIAN TRAGICALLY DIES IN FREAK ACCIDENT. STEPS ON MANHOLE THAT WAS INSTALLED ON A MONDAY, BY A MAN WHO WAS HUNGOVER FROM THE PREVIOUS WEEKEND. UNCERTAIN IF THE ACTUAL IMPACT OR CONTACT WITH RARE RODENT VIRUS KILLED HER. SHE REALLY SHOULD HAVE SIDESTEPPED IT.")
anyway, getting back on track..my recent issue. last month, i went to las vegas. (this trip, alone, may warrant multiple blog posts!) obviously, during said trip, i stayed in a hotel. due to my aforementioned OCD, "living" outside my normal environment/routine can prove difficult. as a result, there are numerous things i MUST do, to make myself more comfortable. i am not bothered by it. i have been like this for as long as i can remember, so i am used to my neuroses. i have found ways to combat/survive, so i may live happily. in regard to hotel stays, one of the things i must do includes "setting up my room." this process involves unpacking and "placing" everything - pillow on bed, phone charger plugged in behind nightstand, portable fan erected in my direction, etc and so forth. the MOST important set up is the bathroom!! getting ready "out of a bag" is waaaay too much for me! i am **extremely** routine. i feel like i get lost/have no idea what "step" i am on, if my hygiene and cosmetic items are not organized. if the bathroom has a drawer, i will place the items in it, in a similar set up to what i have at home. if there are no drawers (which, i hate, as i like countertops to be free and clear), i am forced to create some sort of display, on the counter. this display allows me to easily utilize what i need, in an organized fashion. i, always, bring my own hand soap and bar soap. a) i am allergic to everything, and b) i like MY stuff! my toothbrush is placed in a glass, cup, or other holder that allows my toothbrush head to remain off the counter and free of germs (as free as possible, anyway). if there is a toilet within 10 ft of the sink, i must find some other place for my toothbrush (wrapped in a rag/towel, inside a drawer), as i refuse to allow the flushing toilet to contaminate my toothbrush with e.coli-laced water sprays!! (i find myself wondering who is still reading this and who has removed my blog from their favorites, as they are..now..convinced it is in their best interest to not know me. whatever. continue to live like a "war orphan." -- no idea. my mother says it. -- does not bother me. okay..that is a lie..*completely* bothers me! STOP IT! PLEASE! GERMS KILL!!)
the pictures below are not my usual set up, but were the best for the design of the hotel bathroom.
now, i am aware i have only posted two pictures of an entire bathroom setup. however, is it just me or would YOU, upon walking into this bathroom, not quickly realize - "this person, OBVIOUSLY, likes her belongings a certain way! i should NOT touch them!?" i mean, i do not believe the "no touching" fact requires a smack in the face. EVERYTHING in the entire bathroom area (sink, toilet, shower) is BLATANTLY organized! am i wrong in thinking this is apparent?!?!
exhibit A is not posted, as i was so tore up that i forgot to snap a picture. nonetheless, here is a description of what the picture would look like, had you walked into my hotel bathroom the second evening i was in vegas, after housekeeping had cleaned my room. the neatly organized rows of cosmetics...DESTROYED!! the maid picked them ALL up, set a rag down, and then proceeded to arrange my shit on top of the rag - in SIX *random* rows (AN EVEN NUMBER - MUST.BE.ODD!!!)! there was no order! NONE! i had a row for hair, face, and miscellaneous items! THIS woman had the AUDACITY to have my toothpaste and hair pomade - ARE YOU READY FOR THIS?! - IN THE SAME EFFIN' ROW!!! immediately, my mind started to spin out of control, trying to process what i was seeing! i was in near shock!! alas, before i could stop the inevitable spiral of my mind, i looked to my right..HOLY LIVING HELL!! MY TOOTHBRUSH..OH.MY.GOSH!! (HARD TO TYPE IT!) MYYYYY TOOTHBRUSH..THAT GOES IN MYYYYY *MOUTH!!*..HAD BEEN *TOUCHED!!* THIS BITCH TOOK IT *OUT* OF THE GLASS AND - TRYING TO BREATH - SET IT ON A RAG, ON THE COUNTER!!
exhibit B (staged, after i regained consciousness)
ARE YOU EFFIN' KIDDING ME?! i, honestly, do not know what was more appalling - the fact that my toothbrush was NOT in the safety of his glass, or the realization that someone who had just finished cleaning the toilet TOUCHED HIM!! (have i mentioned this device goes *INSIDE* my mouth?!) my mind started to spin so fast that i hit the ground. i tried to reach up and grab the phone to call 9-1-1, as i knew i was seconds awaying from having a transient ischemic attack! in the process, though, i had a brief moment of clarity and became *fully* aware that i was lying in the bathroom floor - and not just any bathroom floor - A VEGAS, HOTEL BATHROOM FLOOR! I COULD, LITERALLY, SEE THE E.COLI HAVING A PARTY, ON MY OUTSTRETCHED ARM! i had to army crawl, into the shower stall, and turn the knob to scalding! there i was..lying in the floor of the shower stall, clothes soaked, skin sloughing off and bubbling with burns, vomiting profusely, trying my best to not drown. finally, warren heard my cries of despair and entered the bathroom. while cracking up, he had to drag my lifeless body, out of the shower. we agreed i would start luvox, once i returned to kentucky. it would appear that time is now. (wish me luck.)
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