the lowest high

GOOD LUCK understanding the following conversation!!

warren: "i heard something cool, earlier. today is the record lowest high, for september."

me: "so, today is the coldest it has been, in september?"

warren: "no, today is the coldest WARMEST day, for any previous day in september."

me: "what, now? today is the lowest temperature that has occurred, in september?"

warren: "no, today is the lowest HIGH."

me: "i have no idea what you are saying!? is today the lowest or highest recorded temperature?"

warren: "neither."

*both start laughing*

warren: "today is - i do not know what today is! it is like - there is no other day in september that did not get warmer than today."

me: "NO WONDER i am confused! your grammar! my gosh!"

warren: "it is a double negative. it is correct."

me: "it is a poor grammatical choice, and you know it! either way - have we agreed that it is cold, today?? oooooh - are you talking about how days have a 'high' and a 'low' - and, today, the 'high' was low??"

warren: "yes! another way of putting it is - *laughing* - it is, actually, really hard to put it another way. every other day, in september, has gotten hotter than today."

me, staring blankly: "so, you are telling me that someone has recorded that TODAY is the lowest 'HIGH,' for a september day?"

warren: "yes!"

me: "that is the most RIDICULOUS statistic that i have ever heard!! you are, basically, telling me that, today, is neither the coldest or warmest day of september - that it is in between! RIDICULOUS!! not your fault, but ABSURD!"

warren: "it is a real record."

me, laughing so hard that tears are streaming down my face: "it is a STUPID record! if i could figure out how to explain what the hell just went on, i would blog about it!"

warren, laughing: "just tell them, 'jack is taller than jill, but not jake.'"

me, laughing so hard that i cannot breathe: "i, actually, had no problems with the 11 'J' kids and their various ages. numbers - i get! what i, always, had difficulty with was the 'you have a fox, a duck, and a snake on the side of a river' - or were they IN a boat - was there even a snake?! whatever. i could never understand!"

warren: "i get those, but they are different than the irresponsible parent, who had 20 kids named 'J.' the fox scenarios deal in spatial terms."

me: "exactly - and we know i hate anything spatial! it, literally, blows my mind! *making a gesture with my hands on each side of my head, quickly pulling them away, signifying my head has exploded*

warren: "we know, honey! you like things in your little box."

me: "in my little, SPATIAL box! HA!" *thrilled with myself, as if i have won some sort of contest that warren did not realize we were in*

warren: "only nerds, like us, would have the discussion we just had."

me: "i know. i am going to blog about it, anyway."

warren: "i know you are."

me, turning to leave the room: "i must start typing, before i forget what just happened - as i, barely, understood it the first time! wait - what is today, again? hot or cold?"

warren, smiling: "i am going to pick up mac."

me, running toward him: "no, come back here! it is very, VERY important that i know whether or not there are 8 or 9 planets, in our solar system?!" *pausing, looking at the ground, overcome with sadness* "POOR, PLUTO!!"

warren, reaching out to hug me: "oh no! calm down! i am fully aware of your passion re: pluto and how 'he was, wrongfully, stripped of his title!'"

me, stepping back from him: "HE IS A PLANET, DAMN IT!! 'MY VERY EDUCATED MOTHER JUST SERVED US NINE PIZZAS!' THERE ARE 'PIZZAS,' WARREN! 'P,' AS IN 'PLUTO!' PLUTO IS A PLANET! HELL WITH THE ASTRONOMERS! EFF THEM! EFF SCIENCE! EFF COSMIC BALLS OF GAS! MAC WILL LEARN THAT PLUTO *IS* A PLANET!! TELL ME - HOW DOES A PLANET ONE DAY BECOME *NOT* A PLANET?! IMPOSSIBLE!!" *pausing* "do not even THINK about correcting my grammar, in that last sentence!"

warren, cracking up: "i would not dare! *opens the door, walks into the garage*

me, screaming, so he hears me through the door: "HE.IS.A.PLANET!!" *looking down at samson* "thank you, for supporting me. i know you were, also, hurt by pluto's planetary polemic. OOOOH...three 'Ps!' what is that called, again, in the english language?? ALLITERATION! I AM ON A ROLL, TODAY! by the way, you are my favorite dog. i must go blog."