not my usual post

..however, this is my blog. (ergo, i get to post what i want.)

it took 8 posts, but it - finally - happened. i offended someone, and (surprisingly) it was not my mother. (it was a close friend - go figure. for all i know, it happened sooner, but this is the first time it was brought to my attention.)

to begin: in a previous posting, i do not like green peas or ham, i discussed my journey - into vegetarianism. i made reference to the muslim nation. i was being facetious. i do NOT hate muslims! my intention was not to offend, anyone. if i had an issue with muslims (or anybody else, for that matter), i would make it CLEAR - as "beating around the bush" is not my thing.

1. my blog comes from a place of humor, as i thought was VERY apparent. (please, refer to the "disclaimer" and "about me" section.)
2. i stated, in the pilot post, that i was aware offending someone would, eventually, happen. (oops! moving on.)
3. in the second post, take it up with God, i elucidated the following, "humor is my outlet. i like to joke." "i make no apologies for who i am, or what i say here (or anywhere). after all, i am not forcing you to read any of this. this blog is here for me." if you have an issue, with me or my blog postings, please - read that, again!

i have had an interesting 24 hours - actually, weeks (to say the least) - and i am feeling (brutally) honest. so, why stop now?

i am "batting a thousand," as of late. (is my sarcasm coming through, all right?) i have been going through some difficult personal issues. i have not made them public, as (like i just said) they are "personal." plus, i am not all about discussing my private matters. (yeah, i post and talk all day, but you will note that they are comically flippant and, rarely, say anything about ME.) i use humor to mask my true feelings. (is this really THAT shocking?!)

anyway, in the process, of dealing with some things, i lost two friends (one - my decision; one - not). i, believe, i am about to lose a third. am i angry? no. am i upset? not, anymore. i am tired of, constantly, worrying about other people. (does not mean i do not care about other people. does not even mean i do not care about my former friends. it simply means i need to start caring more about me.) does this make me a "narcissistic" bitch? does this make me unworthy of having friends? (ask me if your opinion matters?!)

i did not sleep, last night (no shocker there - insomniac). i thought long and hard about - a lot of things. i am aware that i need to make some changes, in my life - and, recently, i have started doing so. take for instance, my breakfast choice, this morning. due to the fact i have OCD and am a creature of EXTREME habit, i (always) order the same thing, on my way to work. this morning, on the other hand, i "threw caution to the wind." i said, "damn it! i am doing it! i am ordering something different!" i thought karnell (my starbucks barista) was going to have a stroke! (in the end, my decision blew! i ordered the spinach feta wrap - something i would, typically, NEVER have for breakfast. plain cereal works just fine. the wrap was salty and had an egg on it. umm..SPINACH FETA wrap! no one said ANYTHING about an egg!! oh well. now, i know.)

after starbucks, i continued on to work. i got stuck in traffic. "no big deal," i told myself. "you are working on your impatience and demand for everything to go 'just right.'" i found a janet jackson song i love, on my ipod, and sang my heart out! i was feeling fantastic, as i pulled into the drugstore parking lot. i got out of my truck. it was raining, but i REFUSED to let it dampen (no pun intended) my spirits. i opened one of the back passenger doors, to gather my belongings. my laptop came crashing out, slamming onto the wet pavement. (this morning, i slid my laptop into its sleeve, to bring to work - which i NEVER do - naturally. apparently though, unbeknownst to me, i did not make sure the lip of the sleeve was covering the top 1/2 inch of my laptop. guess which end smashed onto the pavement?! OH, YES!! it is scratched and dented all to hell!) i picked it up, noting the damage and the fact the sleeve was soaked. however, before i had time to determine whether or not i was upset - several papers came sliding out, floating UNDER my truck, landing in a puddle, out of reach. i decided - EFF IT! (half my shit is STILL outside, wet, underneath my vehicle. i do not care. if it is still there, after work - great. if not - whatever. i am changing, baby!)

the old randi - she would be infuriated, at the past 24 hours (particularly, this morning). the randi that is working on bettering herself - she decided to focus, on the positive. i saw an old friend, this morning; someone gave me a compliment; someone else made me laugh; bailey is back from the vet; mac is feeling better; warren and i are finding more time to spend together; i am down a few friends, but guess what - i have tons more. i have said it, before - and i will say it, again - my life is complete, with or without others' condonement. all i can do is trust God and keep moving forward. if you want to stick around and support me, it is much appreciated. if you feel the need to walk away, i wish you nothing but the best. today, i start following the music of MY heart!