warning: strap in! serious venting to follow!!
"I received a letter, today, in the mail from a friend. Although I have yet to check this fact, I presume my friend had the letter weighed because it had a 79 cent stamp in the corner. The reason for this was obvious, as the letter was actually a multiple page printed document on he and his fiancee’s wedding in Anguilla (travel/hotel info, etc). On the outside of the envelope, THE POST OFFICE STAFF THEMSELVES stamped the following: 'Postage due 43 cents. Exceeds 1/4 inch thickness.' My first thought, '1/4 inch?! ARE YOU EFFIN' SERIOUS?!' My second thought, 'I am surprised they delivered it, if there was not enough postage.' About that time, I noticed another envelope inside my mailbox - one of those small, orangey/brown ones. At the top it read, 'Carrier’s Statement. The following is a statement of the amount required for each of the items indicated and if there is any part that you do not understand please call it to my attention.' The mailman had then checked 'Postage Due Mail' and written '43 cents' out beside it. Signed, 'Rodney, London Post Office.' First of all - RODNEY - if the postage is short, that is NOT my damn problem! You people needed to 'RETURN TO SENDER!!' SECOND, 1/4 INCH TOO THICK?! WHO THE HELL DO YOU PEOPLE THINK YOU ARE!?! FIRST, YOU GET CHARGED IF THE ENVELOPE WEIGHS TOO MUCH. SECOND, THERE IS A CHARGE IF SAID MAIL IS NOT STANDARD SIZE AND IS INSTEAD SQUARE-SHAPED. NOW, THERE IS AN EFFIN' THICKNESS MEASUREMENT?! YOU ALL HAVE WAAAY TOO MUCH TIME ON YOUR HANDS! IF YOU WANT TO MAKE UP RIDICULOUS THINGS - FINE BY ME - BUT TAKE IT UP WITH YOUR CUSTOMER. I AM THE **RECIPIENT**, NOT THE SENDER! IT WILL BE A COLD DAY IN HELL BEFORE YOU GET 43 CENTS FROM ME, FOR A LETTER I DID NOT SEND! EVEN THEN, YOU WILL HAVE TO PRY IT FROM MY DEAD, COLD, VICE-LIKE GRIP! F YOU, POSTAL SERVICE! F YOU!!"
this facebook posting, naturally, spawned numerous comments. that evening, after calming down, i wrote rodney a message and posted the following on facebook.
"'DEAREST RODNEY, IF NOT ENOUGH POSTAGE, PLEASE RETURN TO SENDER. THANK YOU!' (To my critics - I am fully aware that I could have simply thrown his orangey/brown envelope away and that would have been the end. However, I wanted Rodney and the Post Office to a.) KNOW I reject their nonsense and b.) have to spend their own money to send it back!)" (yes, yes - their money is my money, your money, taxpayers' money. whatever! i was entirely too infuriated to think rationally.)
two things should be noted. the day this occurred (feb 10, 2010), i was six months pregnant. these type of hormone-induced rants became so frequent that i coined them "ones of hysterical blindness." secondly, many people asked if i ever opened the letter. my response - OF COURSE, I DID!! i ran the entire document through my copier, and then resealed the envelope! 1 - RAN; 0 - RODNEY hehehe *evil laugh* (sidebar - this type of behavior should be expected, whether i am pregnant or not.)
since this event, rodney and i have had many "battles." (hence, the above rant title includes the date.) for instance, there is - also - a "RODNEY RANT OF HALLOWEEN 2010." during that time, he DELIBERATELY placed my williams-sonoma magazine upside down, so that the halloween spiders were in full display, causing me to stumble backwards and fall into the road, gasping for breath!! (certain he knows my fear of spiders. jackass!)
the latest - see picture below.
OH YES!! that lazy piece of shit rodney rigged up some sort of contraption, using a huge rubberband and the flag of my mailbox - wish he would have broken it, so his ass would have gone to prison for committing a felony!! actually, maybe he DIIIIID break it. *wink, wink* - rather than walking the 20 feet or so to my front door.
all i know - 'TIS THE SEASON TO JACK YOU UP, RODNEY!! GAME ON!
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