never buy suede tennis shoes.
you can never have enough wipes on hand.
they are going to fall. (you need to learn when to run to them and when to tell them to get up and shake it off.)
to leave your child unattended with bath foam is one thing. to leave your child AND husband unattended with bath foam is another.
never miss an opportunity to hug them.
get your child a pet. (that dog or cat will become one of their best friends.)
always have a dvd in the vehicle.
when your child is excitedly telling you something so fast that it is *simplyincoherentwords,* all you have to do is smile and say, "WOW!" (works every time.)
when the "terrible twos" set in, you MUST stand your ground.
fathers are terrified to use nail clippers on their newborn/infant.
chocolate is your enemy. (if you want to let your child have some, strip them down to nothing but their diaper/underwear.)
it does not matter what fabulously expensive and colorful toy you purchase, your child wants the box.
sing with your child - all the time.
marry someone who can handle vomit. (they are invaluable.)
musical greeting cards = trance.
anything that is child-proof is, also, adult-proof.
never underestimate how fast your child can run, particularly if they are in trouble or do not want to take a bath.
upon walking to your vehicle, if your child spots a dandelion and proudly picks it, do not let them convince you to hold it in the car. (by the time you get home, it is 301 various pieces of what used to be a dandelion scattered all over them, their car seat, and the floor of your car.)
fathers who insist on bouncing their baby and/or holding them up in the air - after you have warned them that the baby *just* finished a bottle - will get what is coming to them.
remind your husband that just because the diaper says "overnight" on the packaging does not mean you only have to change it every 12 hrs.
read to your child. (do not skip pages. they are too smart for that.)
when your child walks up to you with what looks like a chocolate ice cream mustache and then proceeds to tell you it is NOT chocolate ice cream - followed by their grandfather walking into the room with the same mustache and a bowl behind his back - do not believe either of them.
the moment you decide to leave the diaper bag at home because you are only going to be gone for 10 minutes is precisely when you will need the diaper bag.
kids quickly learn who the weak one is and will become their puppet master. (i suggest being the strong one.)
make waking up fun - i.e., dumping a bunch of stuffed animals on top of them, cracking the door and popping your head in and out as if you do not want to be seen, or turning the light switch on and off while pretending your child is the one making it happen.
have impromptu dance parties - often.
take them to church. (the sooner, the better.)
constantly encourage and praise. never tear down.
even when absolutely exhausted, make time for your child.
at some point, your child will use a marker as lipstick.
during bathtime, fathers are bigger kids than the child in the tub. (it is he who invents the pirate ship capsizing game, due to a tidal wave - a tidal wave that rushes across the entire bathroom floor.)
there is an indefinable moment, when complete silence from your child in the other room goes from peaceful to trouble.
calmly walk up and open your child's mouth rather than asking, "what do you have in your mouth?" (this only gives them an opportunity to clamp their mouth shut with some sort of insane mouth clamping superpower. this same principle applies when giving your cat medicine.)
