1) I have the capability to remain completely calm and centered on the outside, while medical people pop in and out of my daughter's pre-op room, asking me a million questions and telling me a million and a half things. I, also, have the capability to do nothing but smile, when they take my daughter away, so she is not afraid. I do NOT, however, have the capability to remember *ANYTHING* that was said to me - by any of those people - the entire time I was there.
2) Sweet, cuddly, all smiles Campbell is nothing but a ROID RAGE baby, after coming off of anesthesia! She literally stood on Warren's lap, facing him, arms out to her side (as if on a cross), fists clinched together, and turned reddish purple as she screamed as loudly as she possibly could. We would have been alarmed, but it was so damn hysterical that we started cracking up. I am sure the nurses think we are horrible parents for saying, "BAHAHA! Come look at this! She is straight street roid raging right now! I think she is about to start throwing punches!!" As I told my sister-in-law, after she mentioned how lucky we were that Campbell could not talk during her rage, "OOOH, NO, NO! She was PERFECTLY clear! She did not need words!" (I have never seen a 9 month old tell her parents and surrounding medical staff to go eff themselves, but my sweetheart of a baby managed to do just that.)
3) Despite my almost immediate reaction to vomit, when someone else around me does so, I now know I am able to hold my baby forward - while she projectile vomits all over herself and her father, in order to prevent her from choking, as the anesthesia wears off. Warren may think he took one for the team that morning, but I really think I was the one who saved the day and conquered some inner vomiting demons - for if he were the one throwing up, I would have ran into the other room and hurled my guts up, while curled up in the fetal position (even if I heard him choking).
4) Somewhere - deep inside - I have the inner strength and willpower to bite my tongue, when the waitress at the restaurant we ate breakfast at following Cam's surgery said, "Aww! Poor thing! At least she will be able to speak *good* now." I, immediately, found myself covering Cam's ears. (I would hate for her to hear such poor grammar on her first day of clear hearing.)
5) I would HIGHLY recommend Dr. Albert Speach for all ENT needs! Name me one other practitioner who personally picks up the phone and calls his patient's mother on her cell phone, in order to check up on her and her baby post-op!? The surgery was two days ago, and I have been contacted three times. (ABSOLUTELY ASTOUNDED!)
6) I am able to fight back tears and vomiting, while I give an enema to a miserable, in pain, screaming and crying, constipated toddler - all by myself - and then allow her to shit (one of the foulest substances I have ever smelled) all over me and the bathtub, for a period of almost an hour. Warren may have come home to find a DISGUSTING bathroom - Riley Mac happy in the tub watching Doc McStuffins - while I sat slouched on the floor, leaning up against the corner of the bathroom wall and tub, with tear stains on my face - but damn it, I EFFING ROCKED AS A MOTHER LAST NIGHT!!
7) My body is able to withstand a 115 degrees F shower, while scrubbing myself with bleach and a wire brush (normally used to get out pesky concrete stains).
8) There are not many greater joys than that same post-constipated toddler curling up in bed with me (after we were both freshly bathed), physically pushing me over so we could "share your pillow together, Mommy," holding my hand, and telling me how much she loves me - and Doc McStuffins.
9) The cure for a two week insomnia flare is simply the shock and stress of finding out that your infant needs/undergoes an emergent surgery, your toddler becoming severely constipated/subsequently given an enema/shitting on you, and a good ten minute cry. Although Campbell is like a new baby (no more ear pain), Riley Mac is like a new toddler (no more rectal or abdominal pain), and Warren is like a new man (allowing himself to sleep in this morning) - I would guarantee that I slept better than anyone else in my house last night (including my lazy ass pets)!!
