Parenthood is not for everyone.

http://shortwinded.net/so-you-would-like-to-have-three-children/

I felt deeply compelled to respond to the above article.


I only have two children, so those of you who have more may tell me to "shut the hell up!" However, I am from a family of 3, so I have had the counter experience on the matter. Either way, I have some strong opinions about this article.

1. Being a parent is difficult. Everyone says so. No one tells you differently. My point - Although you may not know to what level of difficulty you have signed up for, when you become pregnant, you KNOW it is going to be a rough, learning curve. You are aware that you will be exhausted. You are aware it will take energy. You are aware that it will consume your every mental being. I will admit that you know these things, but NOT to what degree. It is infinitely more challenging than you thought you had prepared yourself for and what you were told. Or, really, you probably were, but could not truly comprehend or appreciate what your mother and friends told you. So, whether you have one or seven, the task is NOT easy!! Yes, I am certain the more you have the more difficult it becomes, particularly if all your children are close in age, are children who get into EVERYTHING, have colic, will not feed, will not sleep, etc and so forth. In other words, I do not think Mother A of 3 has the exact same level of difficulty as Mother B of 3.

2. As parents, we all have our days. You know the ones. You are tired. You are cranky. Your mind has turned to mush. You, honestly, cannot fathom rolling out of bed and tackling the day. You have NO IDEA how on Earth you are going to be able to get all the day's tasks done, WHILE taking care of your kids. Even if you had nothing to do that day BUT watch your children, you are so exhausted that even attending to your children can be the hardest day of your life. You feel like a bad parent, for some of the feelings you are experiencing AND the way you just snapped at your children. Maybe you even call up a close friend to vent, cry on your husband when he walks in the door, or go visit your mother and ask her how she made it look so easy. I firmly believe these feelings and actions are completely normal. If more mothers were totally honest and true, they would admit the same.

3. Here is the situation, though - In today's world, parenting is a competition. (You know I am right.) For all I know, it was the same in the 1950s, but it definitely is today. The moment you become a mother, two things happen. A) You are judged on how well you fill the role of parent. B) In addition to how well you do said job, you are judged on the ease in which you do it...or, in actuality, how easy you PROJECT it to look. Being a great mother is not enough. Oh, no, no! You must, also, act like it is your most favorite thing in the world AND that you barely broke a sweat. Is it fair? Nope. The stigma associated with a mother admitting her job is hard and that there are days she does not feel she can do it anymore COMPLETELY IRKS ME!! The worst part, we do it to ourselves! It is OUR fault - not society's, not our husbands - OURS! We experience postpartum depression and tell NO ONE. Even though we are utterly exhausted, we raise our heads high in public. Despite the fact we have a hellion or two at home - and we feel like we are doing something wrong - we pretend our children are angels. Why? Because for some reason, we have allowed ourselves - and the women around us - to fall into the idea that parenting is supposed to be done with a smile on our faces, with no complaining, and perfect children as the end result. (What? You are upset because I am blowing up the myth? Newsflash: We all already know the TRUTH!) One of my very close friends struggled a bit, after having her first child. During conversation one day, I was telling her how I understood what she was going through, as I had similar postpartum feelings. She looked at me and said, "What? I had NO idea! WHY did you not tell me? You always make it look so easy! Perfect children! I felt like I was the only one!" That has stuck with me, and I am - now - much more vocal and upfront about my parenting throes.

4. My main issue with this particular article - Where is the JOY?! Yes, she uses FOUR sentences to preface that she loves and enjoys her children. However, those sentences are easily forgotten, when there are 10+ PARAGRAPHS on why she is **clearly** UNHAPPY having three children. Even at the end, when she lists the "benefits" of having three children - as if you are supposed to have chilren for a "beneficial" reason, like some common decision - she merely mentions herself and her feelings: "I can nurse a baby...like nothing." "People finally stop thinking they can give you advice." Where are the FABULOUS points to having children?! I just do not understand it. Parenthood, albeit difficult, is AMAZING!! She discusses nothing that conveys being a parent (of 1, 2, 3, or more) is WORTH it!! My two girls have brought IMMEASURABLE joy to my life! Yes, there are hard days, but they are followed by some of the most amazing experiences! Feelings and experiences that ONLY **PARENTS** get to know! Children are a BLESSING!! I can literally count on almost two hands the number of friends I have who have had or are currently having infertility issues...friends that may never get to know the joy of being a mother. My heart breaks for them. I remember those friends, on the days I want to pull my short hair out; on the days my youngest is leaving a CONSTANT path of DESTRUCTION in her wake; on the days both children are crying and want to pull me in five directions; on the days I am so incredibly tired I want to melt. I remember not only them, but that I LOVE being a parent - and I LOOOOOOVE my girls!! I may have my moments. I may complain here and there. However, you will NEVER read an article I have written stating how miserable I am to have had them.

5. Being a good parent is not for everyone. Being a parent - period - is not for everyone. However, once you commit, it is your job to be the best damn parent (and human being) you can possibly be. Why? Because there are children who are looking up to YOU! Children who are needing you to teach them and guide them. I can only imagine the hurt her children will feel, when they become older and READ what she wrote about THEM. I am not certain what this woman was going for...Sympathy? Empathy? A campaign to have merely one or two children? Whatever it may be, she is not getting it from me. I fully understand that parenting is difficult, but I stand by no parent, who seems to obtain ZERO joy at having children. My heart is near EXPLOSION at how blessed I feel to have my girls. This article does not make me want to stop having children. It makes me want to have MORE children, so that I can write my own blog about how much I APPRECIATE, LOVE, and ENJOY them - even on the tough days!!