The Realtor

A late post is better than no post.

In the beginning of the year, there were a few times when I was in Warren's vehicle, as the passenger, and the seat setting had been changed. The first time I asked, "Who has been in here? My seat is all jacked!" Warren said he could not recall anyone else being in his vehicle. The second or third time I was more, "Okay, who is the bitch, because my seat is - yet again - NOT the same?!" Warren laughed and assured me that no one had been in his vehicle.

Fast forward to this past weekend. Warren and I were in Lexington "celebrating" Valentine's Day. (I am onboard for any excuse that involves food and wine, even if I loathe the commercialization and ridiculousness of February 14th.) We had a good day and a great dinner! Before leaving the restaurant, Warren made a comment along the lines of, "If you drive, I promise to sleep the entire way home." I said I would and as promised - he slept. 

So, there I was - enjoying my music, focusing on the hellacious rain I was driving through, thinking about all things water, when I realized I was thirsty!! Due to the aforementioned monsoon I was driving through, I reached my right hand out to blindly grab my water bottle, which I knew to be in the console's cup holder, while continuing to stare straight ahead. However, when I grabbed it, a couple items came with it - a gum wrapper and, what appeared to be at first glance, a wallet-sized photo of a woman (a woman who was NOT me).

I half threw the water bottle down, shook the gum wrapper off my hand, and pulled the photo closer. I realized it was someone I knew of, but was actually her BUSINESS CARD, not a personal photo. 

I laughed and thought to myself, "Well, that makes more sense! It is just a business card, OF COURSE! Warren would not have a...wait. WAIT!! WHY does Warren have a REALTOR'S business card?! We are not selling or buying. We are in the process of BUILDING! There is ZERO reason he would have this card, unless it was left in his vehicle - BY WAY OF FALLING OUT OF HER PURSE!! HOW TALL IS AMANDA, ANYWAY?! I BET THAT BITCH IS THE ONE, WHO KEEPS MOVING MY SEAT BACK!! (Meanwhile, the rain continued to come down in torrents. I just missed hitting a guardrail. Warren was snoring.)

I pulled my right arm across my body, so that my right hand was almost cupped on my left shoulder. Then, I released and swung my arm as hard as I could, straight across, into Warren's arm and chest. ***SMACK*** Warren nearly jumped out of his seat!! "WHAT?! What happened?! Are you okay?!"

I say nothing, but hold up the business card.

He, immediately, sits up: "Oooooh, yeah, I have been meaning to tell you about that."

Me: "Uh huh."

Warren: "No, seriously. It was the oddest thing."

Me: "Enlighten me."

Warren: "A couple months ago, when I went over to the new house to check on the progress the men had made that day, I found that card just sitting on our kitchen island."

Me, after a long pause: "Uh huh. Uh huh. So, you are saying that you FOUND this card?"

Warren: "Yes."

Me: "You are saying THIS card - MAGICALLY appeared - INSIDE our new house?"

Warren, happy that I seemed to be understanding: "Yes, exactly!"

Me: "A REALTOR'S card, INSIDE a residential buildsite, for a house that we have been building for over TWO years, but that you NOR I had an appointment with or met?"

Warren, growing a little uneasy: "Umm..yes."

Me: "Uh huh. Pray tell, how did she get INSIDE our house, then?"

Warren: "I have no idea. That is the crazy part! That is why I wanted to ask you about it."

Me: "The CrAzY part that you wanted to ask me about, TWO TO THREE MONTHS AGO?"

Warren, nervous laughing: "Well, yes."

Me: "How is that working out for you, now?"

Warren, laughing: "It could be going better."

Me, not laughing: "I hope you have an attorney, because I have the best London has to offer. The good news - you have already found yourself a realtor, whom can help your ass relocate out of our rental and into a place of your own."

Warren and I, simultaneously: ***BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA***

We have a twisted sense of humor. Sorry I called you a bitch, Amanda!