Steve, with the Kentucky State Police Department

To the Kentucky State Police Department (and Steve),

Steve got what was coming to him. I tried to tell him. I tried to warn him. I tried to stop him. I answered the phone, because I saw it was the number that I kept missing, while at church and lunch and swimming on Sunday AND while at work yesterday. I answered the phone, because this was the fifth attempted call. I answered the phone, in the event it was urgent. 

When Steve started off by saying, "Oh my gosh! There you are! You are harder to get a hold of than," I interjected and asked, "Who is this?" He replied, "Hello! This is Steve, with the Kentucky State Police Department, and..." I interrupted and said, "I am going to stop you there, Steve. You see, I answered the phone, because it is 840 - AT NIGHT! I answered the phone, because I have three little girls, who are asleep. If you really want to talk to me Steve, I would like you to..." 

But, then he had to go and do it! He had to go and NOT LET A WOMAN FINISH! "Well, Ma'am, real quick. The reason I am calling..." 

"NO, STEVE! JUST NO! You have no idea the evening I have had! I tried to be polite, when everything in me wanted to BLAST you, for things you have done and for things you have not. But, NO, you will not even extend the common courtesy, of letting me calmly vent my frustrations, but then give you a second chance to try again, tomorrow - DURING DAYLIGHT HOURS! If you had just let me finish. I was actually going to let you call me back, because I for one support and love our Boys in Blue. BUT NO. NO, NO, NO!! You have the audacity to call ME, ask ME for money, then INTERRUPT ME!? DID YOU THINK THAT AFTER SUCH AN APPROACH I WOULD ACTUALLY DONATE?! I TRIED TO TELL YOU TO GIVE ME SOME PEACE AND CALL ME BACK! I TRIED TO GIVE YOU MY WORK NUMBER! I TRIED TO TELL YOU THAT THIS EVENING HAS BLOWN HARDER FOR ME THAN MOST! WHY COULD YOU NOT JUST BE POLITE AND SHUT THE HELL UP?! You said you were from the Kentucky State Police Department? I am going to jot that down. I am going to add it to my list - MY LIST OF IT WILL BE A COLD DAY IN HELL, BEFORE I DONATE TO YOUR ESTABLISHMENT!! 840! P.M.! AS IN POST MERIDIAN! DID YOU KNOW, IN LATIN, IT IS POST MERIDIEM?! WELL, IT IS, STEVE! IT IS! ANOTHER APT ABBREVIATION WOULD BE, 'PISSED MOTHER!' I am going to hang up this phone! I am going to hang up and pray for you, Steve. I am going to pray. THEN, I am going to send up a counter prayer, so that the things that I prayed would happen to you in my first prayer are counterbalanced, because hoping you drive your car over a ravine and meet your untimely demise in a fiery pit of hell is more than likely an unfair thing to ask of our Lord and Savior. I am tired, but I tried anyway. I tried so hard to let you off the hook. I hope you learn from this, because I can tell you that will raise approximately ZERO dollars, with your current tactic. One would think they taught you better people skills, in the Academy. I stand corrected...and that is a hard thing to accomplish."

*CLICK*


**UPDATE 08.22.18: I am not even joking, People! Earlier this evening, I was over at my friend Jenn's house cooking dinner. While washing my hands, her landline rang. I glanced over at her kitchen phone base and saw a number I recognized. I shouted, "IT IS STEVE!!" "Steve," she asked, with a puzzled expression? "Yes, STEVE, from the supposed Kentucky State Police Department! Let me answer that phone!" I quickly grabbed a towel, to dry my hands, when Jenn stepped in between me and her phone. I am telling you all right now, if she had not held me back, I would have let Steve know his stalking tactics are not scaring me...they are merely fueling the fire! On a side note, she really should have let me answer the phone. I feel the conversation would have been a great PART 2 blog entry, to this initial post.

Heffalumps and Woozles

No one prepared me. Not one damn person. (I, apparently, need to surround myself with better friends.) While I could be heinous and keep the uninformative trend going, I would hate for anyone to experience what I went through (still going through). I am referring to Disney's Christopher Robin.

I have no idea what you all think or expect, of this film. I know what I thought and expected. I rolled into the theater, yesterday after church, expecting one of my favorite childhood stories turned movies (which includes my second favorite character of all-time, Tigger) to have been remade into a glorious, lighthearted, and uplifting film. A nostalgic piece. A feel good piece. 

What I did NOT expect was to be full on crying, two minutes in, and full on SOBBING, within fifteen. People, I literally had to cover my mouth, to quiet my hysteria (complete with gasping for air)! Due to the fact that I was EMOTIONALLY UNPREPARED, I had to just let the CROCODILE tears fall, using my shirt and jacket as a tissue. (I disgust myself.) I pretty much never stopped crying. From beginning to end, I was either welling up with tears or bawling. In between that chaos, though, I was laughing out loud - as in AUDIBLY! (The poor bastards behind me, no doubt, believed I was experiencing some sort of psychotic break, with my fluctuating ups and downs, extreme highs and lows, screams of WHY, OH GOD, WHY mixed with exclamations of I ABSOLUTELY LOVE THIS MOVIE!)

Disney's Christopher Robin took me on an emotional roller coaster. While highly irritated that I was hoodwinked, as I would have brought an entire box of tissues (just for me) and a bottle of wine tucked in my jacket sleeve (also, just for me), this film was one of the BEST movies I have seen - in years! I HIGHLY RECOMMEND IT! Do I recommend it without tissues/napkins/an old bath towel, a Xanax, and an empty theater (rather than everyone you know, on a Sunday afternoon) - NO, no I would not.

However, if you are able to come prepared to cry harder than you have in awhile, knowing you will be forced to self reflect on your life and the things you have prioritized as important, only to discover you have been living your life 100% wrong, your children are going to grow up to resent you, your marriage is more than likely doomed, you have lost your sense of adventure and imagination (did you ever have one or did it just slowly and silently slip away), and/or you are going to die alone, unfulfilled, and miserable (as in real-life Heffalumps and Woozles) - THEN, YOU MUST GO SEE IT!

**UNRELATED Side Note: Does anyone have a number for a good therapist? Asking for a friend.